Military-Grade Speed Humps

So this past week or so has been pretty rough, although I've finally figured out how long I can put off washing my hair. (Not as long as I thought, surprisingly enough.) When in Vegas last Tuesday running errands, I got that phone call nobody wants to ever ever ever hear in their lives: There was a car accident. One of my friends died, the other being flight for lifed to UMC.

The funny thing is, for the first couple of days I was all right. And that's probably because I spent those days in the trauma center of the hospital making sure that Carolynn's mom was ok; did she need water? Blankets? Greasy food? Even to everybody else in the waiting room, even a couple I didn't know. You want it, I had it. A pillow, a comforter, an mp3 player, books, Uno, deck of cards, chips, soda...

And then I had to go home and wait to be told when we could actually see Carolynn (it'll be a while.) It's a lot easier to try not to think about things if you're busy, if you have other people to take care of. That's the beauty of being a Girl Scout, you always get the good grace of being prepared to play caretaker.

But ever more frequently, I remembered that Heather was dead.

Whoever is reading this may or may not know about my nearly life long battle with clinical depression. The cycles of self sabotage, of medication, of psychotherapy, of food therapy that I've gone through. Here's the thing about depression, the fact that, until you realize it fully, will hinder one from ever healing fully: something. will. always. happen.

Death is a hard obstacle for anyone. And when people hit speed bumps, well this is all fine and dandy, but this was more like the speed HUMPS that litter Nellis Air Force Base, the ones that need signs and lifted vehicles and dont-sue-us-if-you-get-high-centered.

But hey, such is life, yeah? One day at a time, and a day that I get out of bed is a wonderful day. I am so grateful to the friends who have made me laugh, and the friends who have helped me be there for the ones that need it even more. I love you guys, and you'll be happy to know that in an attempt to restart my life, I'm heading back to the gym tomorrow.

Because here's the truth: life goes on, with or without you.